Adventures Of The Illegitimate Time Lords (and Rose)
by DismalAmoeba
Summary: The Meta-Crisis 10th Doctor, the 11th Doctor's Ganger, a bunch of other "Time Lords", and Rose go on a series of adventures in Pete's World that, mocks Moffat, inconsistencies, and Doctor Who itself. No pairings, just good old fashioned fun. For readers who are tired of pairings, angst, overly dramatic drama, love stories worse than Twilight, and fangirls who can't write. AU (duh!)
1. C1: I Didn't Do It!

"Doctor!"

"Yes, Rose?"

"Could you grab a gallon of milk for Tony for me?"

"Yeah, sure."

The Meta-Crisis Tenth Doctor walked past the fish tank with the TARDIS coral growing inside over to their refrigerator and opened it. Inside was a lot of food and well, one gallon of milk. The Meta Doctor (because Meta-Crisis Tenth Doctor is really, really long) grabbed the gallon of milk and started walking back when he tripped over Rose's giant laser gun.

The gallon of milk flew right out of his hands and promptly fell on the Ganger vat that the Meta Doctor had confiscated so long ago from people trying to make slave labor.

Coincidentally, the milk crashed onto the button to activate it and its contents flew into the vat. As the Meta Doctor looked in horror at milk being turned into slave labor, he wondered what would actually happen. Would it make more milk or make a new life form? Maybe he could make ice cream cheaper…

After a lot of bubbling and fizzing and a whole lot of random noises, a figure emerged from the white goo-like texture. He had bangs, and in the Meta Doctor's opinion, a really bad haircut. He had suspenders and a brown jacket along with a bowtie, which the Meta Doctor thought was not cool.

The man from the vat stared at him with the most shocked expression on his face.

"What," the Meta Doctor said. "Never seen a Time Lord with a great haircut before?"

"No, it's not that…" the man replied. Then a flash of memory came to his mind and he immediately facepalmed. "Oh, great! Not you again! I'm stuck in an alternate universe with a version of me that speaks like Donna Noble, airships, and Rose. Oh great, she won't recognize me now…"

"How the bloody hell do you know all about those things!" the Meta Doctor said incredulously. He had remembered how the Meta-Crisis had gone, and he wondered how this random man knew so much.

"I thought it would have occurred to you now," the man said, straightening his bowtie. "I'm the Doctor."

CUE THEME SONG!

A couple of minutes later, Rose dashed into the room, picking up her gun and pointing it at the man who claimed to be the Doctor. "Are you okay, Doctor? I heard the theme song and thought you were in trouble!" Rose exclaimed, staring at the Meta-Doctor.

"No, no, I'm okay, Rose," the Meta Doctor reassured her. Satisfied, Rose put down the gun. "Just who are you, anyways, "Doctor?"" Rose questioned.

"I'm the Doctor, and I can prove it," said the man. "Let me tell you a story in italics…"

_It was the 22nd century. My normal counterpart had just arrived at the factory which produced Gangers, which are duplicates of real people used as slave labor._

_In there, he touched the material in a vat, producing me the Ganger when a solar storm happened._

_After dealing with some problems and a mutated Ganger, I activated a device to destroy the Gangers on the island, including me._

_However, for some really Moffat style reason, they turned the facility into a secret milk factory, where my DNA and consciousness was accidentally placed in the milk. After some illnesses, the milk was recalled. But not everyone heard, and that includes the Doctor._

_One day, after the Doctor and Donna left Midnight, they came to the 22nd century to take a break and buy some groceries. That being a gallon of milk, bananas, and Jelly Babies._

_So some time later, Earth disappeared and the Doctor and Donna went to go find it, running into the Daleks and his previous companions since 2005. Donna touched the hand, made you, and-_

"Oh yeah," the Meta Doctor remembered. "I stole his gallon of milk, the bananas, and the Jelly Babies!"

"I never really figured out how you did it, anyways," the Doctor Ganger responded.

"I put it in the fish tank which you gave it," the Meta Doctor replied with a smirk. "and used the wibbly-wobbley timey-wimey invisibility splash potion on it."

"Well, that explains a lot," the Doctor Ganger replied, a bit annoyed.

Rose, who had been staring at the two talk for some time, remembered that she still needed some milk for Tony.

"Well, I'm going to the grocery store," Rose said and walked out of the room.

"Right, so how did I regenerate anyways?" the Meta Doctor asked.

"You got hit with a lot of radiation," the Doctor Ganger said. "After you stopped the Master achieving his revenge and stuff."

"Right…so why has the author included a bunch of random things that never existed or happened?"

"Moffat does that all the time."

"But still, why?"

"Maybe we'll figure out after the ad break."

"Wait, what-"

Author's Note:

I don't own anything copyrighted.


	2. C2: Insert Chapter Title Here

Chapter Two: Downloading 1 TB Per Second Is Impossible…Right?

"So, the ad break is over, Meta Doctor."

Silence.

And more silence.

"So, how's that TARDIS coral my other version gave you going?" the Doctor Ganger said after a long bout of silence.

"Oh, it's just there in the fish tank. I forget to feed it sometimes, though. Why is it called TARDIS coral, anyways?" the Meta Doctor said back, staring at the "coral" in the fish tank.

"Aren't you supposed to know? Your memory deviation only happened recently."

"But I'm a human now, and can't remember all 900+ years," the frustrated Meta Doctor said wistfully as he checked the stats of his TARDIS, which was two levels away from evolving. Its stats looked good also, as it seemed to have a high Speed stat. That would come in handy.

"Anyways, when I was a little kid in Time Lord school (do not ask about Health and Sex Ed, thank you very much) we went on a field trip-"

"You mean I, right?"

"Well yeah, but I counted my best friend the Master also. I never knew why he wanted to be called the Master. Maybe he wanted to catch them all and become a Pokémon Master, like in that anime."

"So why are we called the Doctor?"

"Well, my parents were very strict, and they really must have named me after who they wanted me to be."

"Oh." The Meta Doctor replied as an image of the Doctor Ganger in a doctor's jacket appeared. He brushed it away. "So, I was basically raised by stereotypical Asian parents."

"You mean we, and yes," the Doctor Ganger replied. Suddenly, his skin flashed white, and the Doctor Ganger and Meta Doctor stepped back a bit, startled.

"I'm sorry, I have a skin condition." The Doctor Ganger apologized as he turned back to his normal skin color. "Anyways…"

_It was a field trip to the TARDIS factory. What we didn't know at the time was that the Time Lords were ruining the ecosystem, but whatever. We learned that TARDISs were grown from coral. Or something that looked like it. So, I stole one. But I got in trouble and was not allowed to have a TARDIS. But they could never find the coral, because I hid it inside a spare TARDIS, which would be my own soon. But I forgot about it till I stole that very same TARDIS. _

"So you have eczema?" the Meta Doctor asked.

"You weren't listening to my story, weren't you?" the Doctor Ganger replied, annoyed. "Besides, eczema is something completely different…oh, never mind."

Confident that the Doctor Ganger had finished, the Meta Doctor walked over to his fridge and pulled out two Rare Candies, and dropped them into the fish tank.

A prompt appeared on screen:

_TARDIS Coral leveled up to LVL 19!_

_ATK 36 - ATK 42_

_DEF 80 - DEF 84_

_SPD 147 - SPD 251_

_LCK 65 - LCK 69_

_TARDIS Coral learned Teleport!_

And then another prompt:

_TARDIS Coral leveled up to LVL 20!_

_ATK 42- ATK 45_

_DEF 84 - DEF 89_

_SPD 152 - SPD 159_

_LCK 69 - LCK 72_

_TARDIS learned Gallifreyan Encyclopedia!_

_What? Your TARDIS Coral is evolving!_

_The piece of coral began to flash seizure like and turned into a giant police box, breaking the fish tank into a billion pieces._

_Your TARDIS Coral has evolved into TARDIS!_

_TARDIS learned 4__th__ Dimension Space!_

_TARDIS learned Sonic Screwdriver!_

_TARDIS is trying to learn Teleport V2. But it can only have four moves! Forget which move?_

_[Teleport]_

_Gallifreyan Encyclopedia_

_4__th__ Dimension Space_

_Sonic Screwdriver_

_3…2…1…Bananas!_

_TARDIS has forgotten Teleport…and…_

_TARDIS learned Teleport V2!_

"Ah, finally," the Meta Doctor said. "Now if you'll excuse me, I have a gigantic download to make." He then walked into the TARDIS, and shut the doors.

Meanwhile, Rose was watching Doctor Who on TV (the 4th Doctor to be exact) when she heard the sound of breaking glass and what sounded like electronic music. She ran over and saw the newly evolved TARDIS.

"DOCTOR!"

This is a PSA. I don't own Doctor Who. Gasp.


End file.
